Woke up this morning and just cried. It’s not gone.
CSR is haunting my every day.
It’s been six days since it began.
Six days of torture in my mind and line of vision.
Six days wondering what the eff I am actually supposed to do.
If we are being honest, all I want to do is go take photos every single day with my camera, but I haven’t shot one since Tuesday on film.
Just shoot. How. Wait until work time. Saturday. Wait. Wait. Torture. Torture. I want to do nothing else.
I literally just don’t care. I’m so far out in my mind I don’t even know what to think anymore. Will it go away? Should I torture my body further to get off the steroids? I want to see the acupuncturist more than anything, and a therapist. At least the mental is scheduled. The physical will just continue to suffer.
They say see a specialist right away, but he’s not available until week, practically a month out. That seems to be the inevitable reality in the healthcare system we are left to navigate.
Well, weeks later, I began my acupuncture journey, and it has been incredibly healing, to say the least.
The work they have done on, in, and throughout my body has transformed my world into something I now have hope for.
I began this entry nine months ago, when my world got flipped over like a floppy ass pancake for the umpteenth time and I developed fluid behind my retina—Central Serous Retinopathy.
This was when my photography business was at a major high with the farm. The chef I’ve grown to adore in the world of fire, food, and farms was reopening his dearly beloved restaurant in a fire burn-out zone, in his special town just north of the farm he was living at and I was working at heavily at the time all spring and summer.
My body was trying to tell me more.
And the journey that followed is one I’ll never forget as I turned forty and stepped into a new decade—one that felt daunting, yet wildly intriguing to this eager-to-learn, eager-to-see, eager-to-feel photographer, mom, wife, and friend.
We’ll let that set the stage for our next storytelling entry.
